Do you think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you? What is it about our perception of reality that causes us to judge others based on a limited amount of information that they provide us with, through how they choose to act, think, and live their lives? Why is it that some of us feel drawn to be constantly watching or finding out what others are doing? Why are we so concerned with what others do or think or feel? The choices that others are making in life somehow bother us in ways we don’t understand. How dare anyone have the audacity to have an opinion or perspective that differs from ours! In today’s world we seem to be enamored with getting on our little soap boxes (social media in any form) and shouting to all the world our opinions and perspectives on EVERYTHING! I am just as guilty of this as others, I’m not chiding anyone. And when someone has an opinion or perspective that differs from ours we see no issue with attacking them, or posting about what our opinion of them is. We, as a human race have become less human towards each other with our constant need to document every thought or whim that pops into our heads and publish this collective self-indulgence for the world to see and judge us by.
Everyone has a different perception. The way you see and do things is not the only way to do or see things. I have tried to explain this until I was blue in the face, but people don’t seem to grasp the concept. So I’m going to lay it down on here once again and I am sorry if you think that what I write is directed at you or you want to feel some type of way about it. That is your perception and you are entitled to it. I haven’t written in almost two years because I have been so caught up in worrying about other people’s perceptions of me and worrying that what I said would upset them. Now I realize that people are going to think and feel whatever they want it doesn’t matter what I do or say. So I might as well do what makes me happy and write about whatever the hell I want. I have been caught up for so long in other people’s perceptions that I have stopped doing what I love and have absolutely no outlet for what I think and feel and it’s bullshit, quite frankly. There is no earthly reason why I should sit around constantly worried that I am going to upset people by what I say and do, while giving up my needs and happiness in the meantime. You will feel and think whatever you are going to feel and think about this post regardless of how careful I am in composing it. So I’m gonna let it rip. I don’t fit in on this planet and maybe that’s because I was born to change it. I might piss you off, but a least I made you think!
Everyone has their journey on this planet. All journeys are different and designed to teach us individually different lessons that our soul needs to learn in order to progress on this plane. Through these lessons, we develop our own perception of all the things that inhabit our environment. Everyone differs in their perceptions of the world because we all have unique experiences to change the way we see and interact with others and the world itself. There are people who believe they are better than others simply because they have a better house, or haven’t ever gone to jail or had an addiction to something. They lack humility and understanding because they lack those experiences that would have taught their soul such lessons. There are people who think that it’s their business to constantly monitor what other’s are doing, in order to judge, belittle or otherwise nurse their insecurities by assuming there are superior to those who have had different life lessons as them. There are people who will judge a relationship simply because it isn’t what they would want for themselves or others, and they think you couldn’t possibly be happy because it isn’t what would make them happy. There are people who try to control everyone else’s lives because they feel out of control with their own lives. Perception is your way of observing and understanding reality. Your perception determines your reality. If your perception is that people are generally selfish and self-serving, then that’s what they will be. If you are insecure and assume that everything that other’s do is about you, then anything anyone does or feels will be directed specifically at you. If you are always looking for the evil in others, nothing they do will ever alter your perception of them or their intentions.
What you hate in others is often a reflection of what you hate in yourself. It can also be an energy within your being that needs more focus. Our relationships with all other people are often learning experiences for us on how we get our needs met. For instance, one child grows up trying to please everyone because it has found that this is the best way for it to get its needs met. But this child might have an issue saying no, or being aggressive, or taking care of itself ever. Then you have another child who grew up differently and had it’s needs met by being aggressive and always looking out for itself because no one else did. This child has little empathy, and is generally self-focused, and has learned to get it’s needs met the opposite way. What do you think will happen with these two people? They will grow up and end up in some sort of relationship! Because they each have something the other needs! In the opposite end, if we find someone to be crazy, difficult, unpleasant, rude, insulting, embarrassing, lacking in boundaries, selfish or unfeeling; it is generally, because we have those same qualities within ourselves and refuse to acknowledge them. How you react to others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. So if you have adjusted your level of perception and have observed that you possess some of these energies that need to be worked on within yourself, you start to become aware that perception isn’t the only one. Let alone the right one. Once you have worked on that issue with yourself, you are no longer bothered by it in others. But if you refuse to acknowledge your need for growth in an area of your life, the same issue or irritating quality will continue to manifest itself in your relationships with others. And beware when you judge others for how they choose to spend their time on this planet, “Self-righteous morality is nothing more than jealousy with a halo.”-H.G. Wells.
The other point of perception I want to make is that we perceive another by what we can observe through the five senses and our understanding of what they let us see. What parts others allow us to observe is literally the tip of the iceberg. People tell us what they want us to know, whether consciously or unconsciously done. You see that someone is in a relationship with someone you know nothing about. You hear the good things or you just hear them venting, and make judgement calls based on your perception. What they show or say, may not always be the entire case. People, whether social media seeks to destroy that or not, will always have a certain level of privacy. They will not always say what they think or feel. You cannot make a reasonable observation of a situation without having all the facts first. And yet we seek to judge others purely based on what they allow us to see about their lives from afar or what we’ve heard from others. You don’t know what someone is going through based on social media posts or third-party knowledge or observations. What other people tell you about someone is what their perception of them is. Not what is fact. I for instance, am quiet, calm, withdrawn, and guarded if not defensive around people I don’t feel comfortable with. But with people who know me well and love me, I am energetic, happy, talkative, funny, and friendly. I might be in deep contemplation or stressed out about something and withdrawn in my room, and my Grandmother thinks I’m pouting because that is her perception. While not being the case at all, sometimes I just want to be left alone (actually the majority of the time). She is just as entitled to her opinion and perception as the next person. But the point I’m making is that it’s opinion formed by perception, not fact. When I’m quiet at work people often think I’m pissed off and really I’m just feeling introspective that day and in really good spirits. I’m an introvert, that’s how I roll. But an extroverted sense of perception interprets that differently, as sad or mad. Mostly from a lack of understanding, rather than actual fact.
Similarly, I had a 3 hour conversation because my best friend wanted to feel something about my relationship based off of the information I was giving him. He is my best friend so I tend to vent to him more than anyone. This, in turn, gave him the perception that I was unhappy in my relationship and nothing could be further from the truth. He said,”Well I don’t ever hear the happy stuff!” And that is mostly because I don’t feel the need to brag about my relationship because I’m not insecure about it. Also I have the understanding that no matter how much good this relationship has done me, or how happy I am for the first time ever in a relationship, or our connection, how it’s helped me grow, people will only ever see that I am in a relationship with a guy who’s in prison for life. And how could that make anyone happy!? How could I love such a person!? So I sat there for 3 hours and explained to my best friend, who also grew up with my fiance, how happy I really am. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. I don’t feel the need to justify my relationship to anyone because at the end of my life, I ride in my casket solo. I stand in front of God solo. Every defining moment of my life was undergone alone. So ultimately, what I decide makes me happy and what’s best for my child will be the only deciding factors in what I choose in this life. Regardless if anyone else thinks I’m capable of making sane decisions regarding my child or whether I’m a blithering idiot. That’s their perception. What he wanted for me to make me happy was completely opposing to what would actually make me happy. See, what makes others happy doesn’t make me happy. And I really screwed my life up trying to be someone else’s idea of normal or “Happy.” Then when I completely gave myself up for lost, my fiance came back into my life. If my daughter put all the pieces of my heart back together, it’s my fiance who made sure they stuck. Never has anyone been so patiently loving and understanding with me. He is the voice in my head that anchors me back down when things start to get crazy. He taught me how to communicate my feelings and needs in a healthy manner,(Never happened before in my life), gave me a safe place to be a bitch, and even when I am being one, he has never once called me that. He didn’t let me push him away, and didn’t take my shit. Every hurt I have undergone in my life he helped to heal. I am a better person because of him. I have never felt so loved unconditionally in my life. He not only makes my knees weak, he calms me down. Even in the middle of an anxiety attack or a fit where I have been stuffing my emotions for months. I was in a deep, dark, hole that I dug for myself and he pulled me out and taught me to walk again when I had no idea how to even breathe. I am myself again. No, I am a far superior version of myself thanks to him. And we grow together. It may seem to others that I’m crazier, or more outspoken or less tolerant than ever before. But for the first time in my life I am happy with who I am, who I’m with, how I parent, how I live my life and my perception of the world. I had to explain all this to my best friend who now, fully comprehends my happiness. What makes me happy, doesn’t make other people happy and that is just fine with me. I am quite finished with trying to justify my happiness. He is my person. And I can’t imagine life without him now. It’s just sooooo infinitely better compared to what it was before! I am able to focus on my child and still get all of my needs met, but does any of that matter? No. Because he’s got a life sentence. That’s the only perception others have of the only person who loves me for who I truly am. And probably the only perception they will ever have, and that is okay. I’m not on this planet to further the status quo. I’m on this planet to change the way people think. What makes you happy isn’t necessarily what will make others happy. What you want isn’t always what others should want. Your perception of my situation doesn’t affect it. Ya I’m crazy, weird, and go against the grain. But I’m happy!
My last point is that everyone is allowed to have their perception of the world. Don’t look down on others simply because they think or feel differently than you. They are doing the best they can for where they are in life and with the tools they’ve been given. Just because you think they ought to be doing something, doesn’t mean that’s what is right for them. I wouldn’t be able to breathe if I had to live a picket fence, desk jockey kind of life, but I don’t judge anyone who dreams of that or lives that way of life. They do what is right for them and makes them happy and I do what makes me happy. If you are so concerned with what others are doing, you may want to step back and ask yourself why you are so concerned with someone other than yourself. Is something they’re doing upsetting you? Why does it upset you? Are you really happy with your life if you are worried about someone else is living theirs? Is there an energy there in someone else you need to work on in yourself? If you find this is the case I encourage you to ask others if they’ve observed similar qualities in you that you seem hell-bent on judging in someone else. Who cares what others are doing if your life is what you want it to be? Maybe we are all concerned with what others are doing because we still have some growing and understanding to undergo. If you have people in your life, and everything they do or say just really fucks with you, you might want to stop looking at them and take a look at yourself. Everyone always has such a good idea about how others should be living their lives, and none about his or her own. Why not try minding your own business and tending your own grass? Whether you use the formula 6+3, 7+2, 8+1, 5+4, 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1, or 9-0, THEY ALL EQUAL 9! We are all headed to the same destination, it shouldn’t matter how we get there. Worry about yourself.
mylifewithzoe 